How Investigating Your Emotions Allows You To Think More Clearly

I recently had a debate with one of my best friends about personal development. He is very sceptical about personal development and thinks that people rarely change fundamentally. I noticed that I was getting agitated during the conversation. Why was it frustrating to hear that “personal development doesn’t work”?

When you notice that you are getting upset, angry or tense when hearing an idea or opinion, pay attention. Ask yourself: “Why is this idea making me so angry?” When an idea is upsetting you it is very likely that you…


Do You Feel You Need To Be Successful As Fast As Possible?

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I sometimes get stuck in a mental loop in which I tell myself that I need to achieve a certain outcome quickly, because If I don’t, I will waste the years in the meantime living a mediocre life. I’ve met many ambitious people that fall into similar patterns. Typical versions are:

  • “I need to achieve financial independence quickly, so that I don’t waste more time working in unfulfilling jobs” (or some other version of material success)
  • “I need to find a serious long term relationship now. …

Identify when they are and notice how it is biasing your decisons

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When I’m pondering over life or career decisions and catch myself looking through linked-in, evaluating what my former colleagues and university class mates are up to, I usually quickly realise that I’m falling into a hole that is not going to make my life any better.

Finding out what people with a similar personalities and talents are doing with their lives can be ocassionally helpful. …


How to make seemingly weird things seemingly normal

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I recently introduced myself to an attractive stranger on a bus ride through central London. The conversation started like this:

Me: “Hi, I’m Sebastian, I would like to meet you”

Her: “I don’t think we have met before”

Me: “Yes, we haven’t and I would like to meet you”

Her: “But I don’t know you”

Me: “Yes, that’s why I’m introducing myself”

Her: “You must be from abroad. People in London don’t talk to strangers on busses”

Eventually, she got over it and we had a fun conversation for the next 15 minutes and…


Opportunities to feel emotionally connected are all around you

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Who do you allow yourself to feel intimate with? For most of my life, I associated the term “intimacy” with experiences that I would share with attractive women of a similar age. When this changed, I started to see opportunities for intimacy everywhere.

When I use the term “intimacy” I mean experiences of feeling close to and at ease with another person and sharing feelings and thoughts that matter openly. I also mean experiences of being present with each other and caring. …


Take advantage of this opportunity to learn how your actions impact others.

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Coming home from a date that didn’t turn out the way you hoped it would can be frustrating. Where did things go wrong? I can’t tell you. If you don’t know it either, your date might know.

Sara and I were on our second date. During our first date we had kissed and held hands and it seemed clear that there was physical attraction between us. On our second date, she felt more distant to me and avoided any invitation for physical contact. During the night I tried…


An introduction to initiating and enjoying tantric eye gazing

Our first date started an hour ago. Alice and I are walking through Hyde Park, on a cold and sunny Sunday afternoon. We’ve just finished an enjoyable conversation about philosophy. The conversation engaged my mind, but emotionally I don’t feel as connected to her as I would like to. I suggest that we try something different. It will take 2 minutes.

I explain the exercise: “We will look into each other’s eyes for two minutes. I invite you to drop into your body and your heart rather than analysing the situation with your mind. It is allowed to speak, but…

Sebastian Hahn

Authenticity, personal development, tantra, intimacy. Sebastian is a coach who brings emotions and clear reasoning together.

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